Two years ago, my relationship with God felt intimate, but then everything changed, mostly due to my job. I prayed honestly, sharing my anger, fear, and exhaustion, but God’s silence was shocking. Over time, my prayers turned desperate, asking, “Can You at least show me You’re here?” But still, silence. His promises seemed hollow, and after a year of silence, I stopped praying. I even considered leaving my faith, but the cross kept me tethered. Despite my doubts, I knew the truth of Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned.”
A counselor helped me understand my pain, but God’s silence still hurt. As things began to stabilize in my life, I longed for the closeness I once had with God but didn’t know how to reconnect. I wondered: How do you pray when you don’t question God’s existence, but His trustworthiness?
I pray from the rubble now. Raw, honest prayers, like Jesus in Gethsemane, crying out in anguish. Even in silence, God is with me. I’ve learned to let others in, to cry on someone’s shoulder, and let them pray for me when I can’t pray for myself.
The cross remains my tether to God. He’s with me, even when I can’t feel Him. Like Jesus, I may feel separated at times, but the truth of the cross assures me that my faith isn’t based on feelings but on God’s promises. I trust that, in time, peace will come.
